Coffin Conversations - by dementia

A Chinese woman lopped off her husband's right hand after he broke his promise to help take care of their newborn son and stay off the Internet.

Jiang Ming was in an Internet cafe conducting video chats with girls when he said he "suddenly felt a numbness in my right hand. The arrow on the screen stopped moving.

"Then I found that my right hand was on the mouse pad, and blood was shooting out."

Despite being maimed by his wife, a contrite Jiang begged a judge to release her, saying he was at fault because he had broken his promise.

The world's penis museum is putting out the call for a human specimen to add to its 195 animal members.

Sigurdur Hjartarson, who opened the museum in Iceland in 1974, said people from the United States, the United Kingdom and Germany have offered their penises to him in the past, but none of those offers had been serious.

An appeal has been launched to find a biker's prosthetic hand after it was stolen when he left it gripped to the handle of his motorbike.

Jack Baker, 19, lost his right arm when he was involved in a crash with a bus in May and had a fake hand fitted to enable him to ride an adapted motorbike.

When he went to visit his girlfriend in Bristol last week he left it attached to the bike, thinking he would only be a few minutes.

"I ended up staying for two hours," he said. "I came out and found the hand was gone. I thought it was my girlfriend's parents messing about but they said it wasn't them.

"I went for a look around but I couldn't see my hand anywhere."

Although Mr Baker has a second hand designed for racing the stolen one is of a better quality. Police are now appealing for anyone with information about the missing hand to come forward.

A MAN who lived in his own “zoo” of lizards and insects was fatally bitten by a pet black widow spider — then eaten by the other creepy-crawlies.

Police broke in to Mark Voegel’s apartment to find spider Bettina along with 200 others, several snakes, a gecko lizard called Helmut and several thousand termites had gorged on his body.

Neighbours alerted police after becoming alarmed by the stink.

And horrified officers were met by a nightmare scene.

A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa.

“Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth.

“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles.

“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

Loner Voegel, 30, never invited people back to his “jungle” home, a small apartment in the German city of Dortmund.

Police described it as a cross between a botanical garden and the butterfly breeding ground in the serial killer movie The Silence Of The Lambs.

One tarantula had built a nest the size of a swallow’s in a corner of the ceiling.

Voegel also had a boa constrictor and several poisonous frogs from South America.

Spider expert and animal cruelty officer Gabi Bayer said he kept creatures “that should never be allowed in a private home”.

She said: “He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world.”

The reptiles were allowed to roam free in the flat.

The heating elements on two tanks containing spiders and their termite snacks had exploded and dislodged the metal tops allowing them to escape.

Voegel is thought to have been dead for between seven and 14 days.

A post-mortem will be carried out in the next few days. But authorities believe Bettina alone was responsible for Voegel’s death.

Some AIDS victims are being buried alive in Papua New Guinea by relatives who cannot look after them and fear becoming infected themselves, a health worker said Monday.

Margaret Marabe, who spent five months carrying out an AIDS awareness campaign in the remote Southern Highlands of the South Pacific nation, said she had seen five people buried while still breathing.

An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex, police said today.

The woman, whose name was not released, was killed Saturday at her family's sheep and cattle ranch near Mitchell, 600 kilometres west of the Queensland state capital Brisbane, state police Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory said.

A New Zealand couple is looking to call their newborn son Superman — but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton say they will get around the decision by the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages by officially naming their son Superman but referring to him as 4Real, the New Zealand Herald newspaper has reported.

This squirrel has very particular tastes.

The furry Finnish creature has taken to waltzing into a shop in Jyvaskyla daily and stealing chocolate eggs.